The Scoop with Tanya Flanagan

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:25
Good morning, and thank you for joining me for the scoop with Tanya Flanagan. I'm so happy you decided to wake up and start your day with me. Here on the scoop, where we talk about life, joy, funny moments, trending topics, and so much more. We promise to keep you in the know and find out what you know. So let's get started.

Unknown Speaker 0:53
Good morning, Las Vegas and welcome to another Sunday morning. Thank you for joining me and listening to the scoop here on K u and v 91.5. Radio, jazz and more. This morning, we are heading into the week of Thanksgiving. It's a time of year that we come together with family with friends to rejoice and to reflect, to love and to laugh. Today we're going to be talking with one of my dear friends my pastor and my Greek fraternal sorority, organization brother, member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity incorporated my pastor Donnell McCoy of abundant heart Community Church. Good morning. Good morning.

Unknown Speaker 1:34
Good morning. How are you?

Unknown Speaker 1:36
I'm well thank you for waking up the Sunday morning to spend some time with me and to talk with the community here in Las Vegas as we chat about what I thought was appropriate at this time being thankful. it so much is going on in our society in the world. Wars, devastation, extreme cost in the economy, loss of life, loss of loved ones, diagnosis with illness. And yet, how do you find the way to remain a beat to remain thankful and I thought, let's talk about that and ways to cope with it, and perspectives. And I appreciate you taking the time to join me and bringing their spiritual perspective to the conversation. So thank you for being here.

Unknown Speaker 2:26
Thank you for having me. It's always a pleasure to sit down and chat with you. I enjoy our conversation. So I'm looking forward to what comes out of this session this morning.

Unknown Speaker 2:35
Well, I am too. So why don't we with that dive right in. And you know, we'll explore a couple of different areas also a little bit on grief about what do you say to people I mean, you've done sermons and talked about this, I'm sure. The Concept The Bible says a lot about giving thanks and being thankful to God for what we have the privileges that we are presented with, and being good stewards over the smile that we may have in order to have increase and enlarge. But when you're in that space, and life is heavy, you don't always have the ability to feel like to feel thankful to feel grateful to feel hope. What do you how do you handle that? And how do you help people cope with those things when

Unknown Speaker 3:21
talking to me personally, so me personally, when I'm going through as a pastor, we get to see so much experience so much. And a lot of times I have to if I'm having a pity party, I have to think about sometimes there's some people that are worse off than I am, or experiencing things on a deeper level than I am. And if they can manage to still to be thankful and appreciative of where they are. So sometimes I think about I think about that to make sure that I stay focused on what's really important. You know, I have another day to get it right. I have a I have people around me that love me. And I have to be appreciative of what my life does bring and what I do have in my life. And I think sometimes we met our desires and our dreams and whether or not we reached them. And whether or not we're at a place where we think we should be that determine how we wake up in the morning with our attitude and how we see things. But I think we need to have a positive attitude, about our outlook on life, and understand that we have another day to get it right. So sometimes it takes with people sitting down and pointing out what the positive things are in their life, what opportunities to do have, but also think when you have those conversations with people, you also have to be ready to meet whatever needs they have to help him through and to and be and be willing to help them carry whatever burden they're going through.

Unknown Speaker 4:55
Right because you can't really unpack something heavy when you say to someone you know Are you Case in point just the other day, I looked up, I saw someone that I know, she looked different than she had ever looked before. And I thought, Oh, that's very, it, you know, just was It was surprising. I hadn't seen her for a while. And then when I saw her, she shared with me that she was going through cancer to people. As a matter of fact, I ran into two different women. In the two weeks span, one was a member of sister of my sorority sister, who I hadn't seen for a while, and I looked up, I was in the grocery store, and I thought, I know this face. But I remember seeing her before with this half full of full, thick, beautiful hair. And it was all of a sudden, short and really fine, and really cute. But she looked a little different. And I said, I know this look. And I've shared with you before, I am a three time breast cancer survivor. So I knew that look. In both cases, I knew the look. While her skin was bright, and she looked optimistic. I knew something had shifted in her life. I said, How are you and she says I'm okay. And I said, you know, at this point in life, having made that journey, I didn't sidestep it, I went ahead and walk through the door, I had knocked on the sidewalk through the door, and I said, what's going on. And she told me that they had diagnosed cancer, and that she was in her phases of chemotherapy and radiation, etc. And what was going on, we had a really hard to heart talk, made sure she had my phone number in there, she didn't anything to call on I will periodically make sure that I check in to see how she's doing. And the other case of sitting in a building of sitting at work, actually, when a coworker comes through and usually just dressed extravagantly to, you know, very well completed. And I remember going through that period, and one day, we were going to get a wake for me, and I was with a friend. And I had gotten up and I put on like a turtleneck and a wool skirt. And we went to go shop at this boutique that made custom wigs for women who were dealing with breast cancer. And as we were trying on the wig, I'm looking at myself from different angles. We walked outside and I said to her, don't you ever again, let me get dressed, not two more what I've done today. And at the time, I thought, okay, total necklace guard, I'm tired, I'm frustrated. I have I have cancer, I don't have any hair. She said, Well, I looked at it and you look frumpy, but I know what to say. I said well, next time say something. And it's the place where you're feeling down and your dress is reflective of the mood. But sometimes if we do a little bit more with the things that we can control, it can change how we feel. So when I looked at this person, and it wasn't what I was used to seeing, I thought what's going on. And she told me she had head and neck cancer. And I was stunned. And it blew me back. Because there I am sitting there recovering from a torn left meniscus and surgery. So when you have a torn left meniscus, if someone tells you that they're recovering from head and neck are going through head and neck cancer, that knee pails very quickly becomes a very dim light because you're thinking this is very much, much more serious. This is nothing compared to breast cancer, radiation and caring for an elderly parent, and head and neck cancer and trying to run a whole entire department and get yourself a better I said this is nothing. This is nothing. And so it's that moment where you it really made me resonate on thankfulness and, and taking accountability of what's important and what people are going through and the challenges that we're all facing.

Unknown Speaker 8:58
You know, sometimes we need those little marbles. The scripture says this, and it's not necessarily about Thanksgiving, but it gets us to the point of what you're talking about, is Proverbs 17. And 22 says, A merry heart do is good like a, like a medicine. We there's a lot about our lives that is affected by how we see ourselves. The Bible also says, As a man thinketh as a man thinketh in his heart. So he is so a lot of our environment that we experience. And whether we're happy and joyful in those things, despite the things happening with having to do with how we see our circumstances and how we feel about it. We can find joy through a lot of things and still be going through and feel that pain and say hey, I'm hurting because of this. I'm struggling because of this. And it's it's oh and we and it has to be okay to tell people I'm suffering. I'm going through I'm having a hard time because that person may have a word of encouragement for you. And sometimes people just need a hug to brighten their day. Or if it's just, hey, let me come over and cook a meal for you, since I know you can't do it for yourself. And little things make the difference in our lives. And I think sometimes we focus too much on the big huge things. And sometimes little things will make a difference in someone's life. Even with your friend, you know, if she needs something nice a meal, because I love to cook, let me know, and I'll go cook for her and her family just to take that burden off for her. Because there's little things that things matter. But the rest of the bat, Proverbs 1722 says this, but a broken spirit drives the bone. So our broken spirit drives the bones. So literally taking the life, the marrow, the blood out of our bones, that they become brittle. They break that. So how we see ourselves no matter how we see our circumstances matter. And I just think we have to keep a positive outlook, because And the Bible also says that it's healthy, it's healthy, it's healthy to us, laughter all these things, they're good for us. We really need to take account of our life, because the truth of matter is, failure is a part of life. And we're not always going to get everything that we want. So rejection, disappointment, heartache, pain, we, we really need to do a better job of teaching our children how to deal with that, how to cope with that, how to bounce back from that, and not get a negative attitude about it. And I think we need that needs to be throughout our culture. And then we also need to get help, because this also goes over to mental health. And for those issues and things and being just healthy.

Unknown Speaker 11:56
You know, talking with our children to make them more resilient, and stronger, but even as, as adults, society tends to paint the picture that as you get to a certain age, and I've had this conversation with young women all the time, and I have the conversation because I lost my mother at 29. So at 29 I was walking into so you're looking at being in your 20s me being in my 20s finishing college, going to Washington State to do an internship, I was a print reporter at the time. So I moved to Washington State and worked for the suite of papers owned by the Seattle Times. So I moved all over the state of Washington for a year working for these papers. And so basically, as my career was taking off, and then as networking and meeting people was coming into focus how that works. And I watch my my niece, as she and my nieces and young women as they walk into those spaces now, where you are navigating society and culture and opportunities. And my mother was gone. So there wasn't anyone to call and say, Hey, Mom, I'm going to this event. What do you think I should wear? What do you think this requires? How should I think about this, because she worked in the banking industry, she had been in those spaces and gone to those different types of events, you find yourself alone without your main primary mentor, if you're blessed to have a great mom, then that is your best and your primary mentor. So I was without my primary role model mentor anymore, navigating on my own, and a lot of times, I think we don't always have that. But we have people around us and we assume where people turn a certain age, because you are 30 or because you were 35. Now you were an adult, you're perceived as having experienced life, and the ability to make decisions, but in actuality, you don't have all the answers. So I think just like we think we need to make sure our children are equipped to cope, we need to make sure our adults are equipped to cope. And that we are sort of reaching back to reach one teach one and carry one another and make sure we're there for them. Because a lot of times parents can't pass on to their children what they don't have the knowledge of themselves. So

Unknown Speaker 14:11
good you when they're shorting stock, speak life, over your situation and over yourself. And I will often tell people depending on what they're dealing with, when you wake up in the morning, and you're looking at yourself in the mirror, speak words of affirmation over who you are, and what you want to achieve that day. What you want to accomplish in life, whether it's beautiful, I'm smart, I'm handsome, I'm intelligent. I'm going to accomplish this today. speak life over your situation and what you're going through. And I just say that because even as you talk about losing you're using your mother and that's huge when you use your role model your mentor who you depend on, but also my and I bring that up soon because I just about you around the 18th of September, I went home because my sister's husband at 45, dropped dead of a heart attack. And leave it behind his My nephew is graduating this year from high school. And so now there's this void in their life, with him being out of it, and my sister called me, I think it was, I was in Charleston, South Carolina, she called me that was the week of the 22nd through the 26th. And she called me and she broke down crying, because she had a moment where she took him to the mall to do things that Scotty would do with with, with Trey. And then she started thinking about all the things that Trey was going to miss out on what was that his father should be doing for her. And if she was going to be adequate enough as a single mom to provide for him, was she gonna be able to teach him the things that he needed to do? So as we talked, I said, None of us can replace God. But what I want you to look at is what is around. So this where you think you're inadequate, look, what you have in place, you have your your Father, who is a great grandfather to your, to your son, he will fill that void. I said, I'm that's my nephew. I can't be his dad, but I will fill whatever role I can to give him what he needs, is his other uncle will do the same. I said, So where you think you're short? You're not none of us can replace him. And so I think a lot of times we look at what we what we lost, and we lose sight of what is there. And I would never tell anybody to get past their grief, their hurt and pain. I just told I said embrace it. Be in that moment,

Unknown Speaker 17:01
that is so true. Yeah, that is so true. I think we often try to get to that point that you're making to suppress pain, because the messages around us often are you know, get back on the horse and, and keep going and you have to move forward, having been through so I have had probably really 30 surgeries at this point in my life. It's crazy, that a lot. I've been through it. Honestly, I've been through a lot. And I'm grateful that I don't look like what I've been through. But having had three bouts of breast cancer and losing my mother tumor on my thyroid. Recently, two different knee surgeries, just the things that we consider challenges in life and that for some people, even when I was going through the breast cancer with the chemotherapy and all the treatments, and still running organizations sitting on boards in the community serving people said to me, I would have just balled up and died and just I would have been immovable and just in the fetal position, that you have to keep pressing on realizing that there are people around you but the important piece, don't run away from the emotions that you're dealing with. Being emotional is part of healing, even going through grief of losing someone, whether it's losing someone to death, losing someone through divorce and or a relationship that breaks up or whatever the case may be a friendship that does not survive a situation. That's grief, and processing, the emotion that comes with that is what helps you to heal because it's also is what helps you to learn more about yourself. A point you were making earlier about looking in the mirror I remember going through a really difficult break up period in a relationship situation. And I met a young lady a we just have this connection. And one of the things she said to me was, what do you see in the mirror when you wake up in the morning? What do you see? Think about that? Do you like what you see? What are your thoughts about who and what you see in the mirror and it really stayed with me. And it resonated as a lesson of self awareness and self evaluation and accountability for how I was feeling what I was thinking what I was experiencing what power I was holding on to a power I was relinquishing to the experience I was having because this relationship this thing didn't work. How did I feel because sometimes when those things don't go well or we lose people, whatever we feel our role is sometimes with grief of a loved one is that were we there enough for that person? Did I do as much as I could have like there are levels and feelings of guilt or accountability or second guessing and even though you might feel you were doing and the person has no issue with how you were there for them. We can be our own worst critics and go on through The emotional steps and accepting the feelings is part of this the self healing and self awareness and self evaluation. So I say, I say that to make sure people don't feel like they always have to be strong.

Unknown Speaker 20:15
That's perfectly, you know, the Bible is is that grace is sufficient in our, in our weakness, he's made strong and that the power crisis. Emotions are a beautiful thing. And we really need to enjoy and embrace them experienced them. But I will just say this to say the people when we want to minister to our friends and our families that are hurting, we need, don't be judgmental, don't have a timeframe, when you think they should be past somebody, what you really need to do is be in that moment with them, feel that pain with them, tell them it's okay to feel that pain, talk to them about it, and then share how that experience if you went through with them, or you're feeling the pain of that loved one that was passed on, share that pain with them, be in that moment once and then tell them that it's okay. But and I like to tell them, but keep living, don't stop living because of the pain and the hurt because you deserve to live. And just as long as you keep moving forward, you're okay. But be in the moment. And then I like to get in the moment with those people. And if it means I'm crying with our cry with them, but we need to feel that pain with them and make them feel that it's okay and create that safe space for them. And as you said, it begins it starts to healing. It

Unknown Speaker 21:38
does and every time to to the laughter and, you know, this is about how to get to the grateful part, how to get to Thanksgiving, and how to remember what you're grateful for, and all of that as part of it. And at some point, grief and loss and disappointment turns to the memories of the good times that you shared and it brings a smile to your face. And you're able to recall the fun and when you come together again with family and friends. Those are the enriching moments that restore the love and the laughter so you know this as we go into Thanksgiving and family dinners, and are you frying your turkey Are you are you doing a turkey this year?

Unknown Speaker 22:15
So I'm not doing it took in we're going over to God and Nina's house, we're going to have Thanksgiving with them I take him I am going to cook because of Maya, Walt's lasagna. So she wanted to do a non traditional one just for the immediate family so that we're gonna have lasagna, Kim's a vegan now, so I gotta cook something just for her to eat. So I am going to do so. Otherwise, we're going over John and Anita is going to have Thanksgiving, let's

Unknown Speaker 22:41
say you get to test your culinary skills these days.

Unknown Speaker 22:44
Yeah, I do. I love to cook, I do a little better.

Unknown Speaker 22:48
I don't get to milk it for a whole bunch of meals. I don't know. I mean, like I don't, Oh, good.

Unknown Speaker 22:52
Well, we don't fix that. We go fix it. And then I will say this too, is as we get closer to the end of this this conversation. When we think about being thankful. We set the tone for our day, whatever attitude we choose to start our day with. And it determines the course of the rest of our day. And we will handle the challenges that will come our way.

Unknown Speaker 23:26
That is very sobering and very true. And I want to say thank you for making that very valid point. And because we are the ones who are in control of our environment, our environment, choose how we respond. We choose how we respond, despite how things are going around us how people are interacting with us, maybe treating us how circumstances aren't delivering the outcomes, we hope for how you respond. It's, it's what I always say it's not what you're going through, but it's how you respond to what you're going through. I remember recovering from a surgery, one of my breast cancer surgeries, there's been so many. But I had a situation where I wasn't healing as I should. And I said to the doctor, this wound needs to heal. How long is it going to take? I had already been off work like six weeks. And he said it's gonna take another seven weeks. And I was like, I can't be off another seven weeks. And so we have to do something. So it was Thanksgiving. It was Thanksgiving. It was like seven days of the week leading up to Thanksgiving. So he said in seven days, we're going to do this surgery, go to the hospital register for everything. I didn't want to have another surgery so I didn't go to the hospital. I was lazy. I was slow. I was resistant. I remember coming home walking into my back yard, looking up at the sky and thinking, clouds, Sky, mountain trees, birds, water, all these things and I thought, Hey, mate the whole world in seven days, surely, surely he could fix this problem in seven days. And it was just like peace washed over me. And I realized in that moment, I didn't do anything different. I didn't treat it differently. I didn't get any different medications. But I realized that my attitude shifted completely from woe is me, this thing isn't healing. This isn't working, look at my circumstance, to believing and changing my attitude and how I looked at my situation. I literally did not do anything different. The bandages, the medications, nothing changed. In seven days, I cancelled the surgery, told the doctor, I was fine, didn't need him to look at anything. And I wasn't going to have it. And I never did. And I never had another problem with that situation. It just healed up there. And I went on. Yes. And it was really just my attitude and how I approached the circumstance that I was dealing with. So I just, you know, I hope that we are, you know, coming to the close of this week's conversation. But as we went into that, as we prepare to go into Thanksgiving, and enjoy family dinner with everyone this week, I just wanted to talk about being thankful and being grateful and coping in the holiday season and how people can look at that through a lens where it is beautiful, and it is helpful and it is bright. And there's sunshine and opportunity. So I want to thank you for joining me and having this conversation.

Unknown Speaker 26:48
Thank you for having me. I enjoy it. I enjoy talking about it.

Unknown Speaker 26:52
And if listeners want to hear more from you, they can always join you on Sunday mornings at 10am and abundant heart Community Church, where are you located?

Unknown Speaker 27:00
We are located 2535 West Cheyenne Avenue suite 100.

Unknown Speaker 27:07
Well, thank you, I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving. I wish everyone a wonderful week. Enjoy your family. Enjoy friends, enjoy laughter have a good time. Have some of your favorite foods, promise yourself you're going to do some exercise. And don't be too hard on yourself if you have an extra slice of cake or pie or whatever makes you happy and puts a smile on your face. Thank you again for joining me here to listen in to the scoop here at public radio K u and v 91.5. Jazz and more. Have a wonderful week. Happy Thanksgiving. I want to thank you for tuning into the scoop with me Tony Flanagan and I want to invite you to get social with me I'm on Facebook and Twitter. My name is my handle ta n YAFLA na GA N You can also find me on Instagram at Tanya almond eyes Flanagan and if you have a thought and opinion or a suggestion, don't hesitate to shoot me an email to tonya.flanagan@unlv.edu Thanks again for joining in. Stay safe and have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai