The Scoop with Tanya Flanagan

Wesley Knight 0:00
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Tanya Flanagan 0:19
Good morning, and thank you for joining me for the scoop with Tonya Flanagan, I'm so happy you decided to wake up and start your day with me here on the scoop, where we talk about life, joy, funny moments, trending topics and so much more. We promise to keep you in the know and find out what you know. So let's get started. You

Tanya Flanagan 0:46
Good morning Las Vegas, good morning Nevada. And I hope that someday I'm saying good morning world, as we are so technologically advanced and able to tap into people's living rooms, into their listening ears from anywhere. We are broadcasting from the campus of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, from KU nd 91.5 radio show. Radio station was this show, and I'm always excited to bring interesting people on the show to have dialog about things happening in their lives and how those things may be of value to you and your personal space, and I hope that you find the conversation today to be an interesting one that will cause you to seek out more. I'm delighted to welcome to the show my sorority sister, for some of you, you know, and for those who don't know, I'm a proud member of Alpha Kappa, Alpha Sorority Incorporated, and so is this wonderful woman that's on the show with me this morning. So I'd like to welcome my sorority sister who was ever so talented. I admire her up close and from afar for all the things that she does in the community and all of the growth that she has had in her own life, and her willingness to talk about the growth journey, and that's what we're going to be talking about today. Dr Tiffany Tyler, Garner Good morning, and welcome to

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 2:07
the show. Good morning, good morning. And thank you for having me. Oh, it

Tanya Flanagan 2:13
is my pleasure. I'm glad we have some time to sit down and to talk. We have had random run ins over the years and shared just you're one of those people that when I talk to you, I get a message that I wasn't expecting to get, and it's like, oh, wow, that was right on time. And one of the huge things we're going to focus on in the conversation today is your journey to write a book, and the book is called the journey forward, four seasons of reflection for deep healing and transformation. First of all, I tip my hat and kudos, because I've said this before when I've had authors on the show, so many people dream of writing. They have the best of intentions, honestly, myself included, but they never make the time to carve out that dedicated workspace so that you actually do the writing and get the goal accomplished. So congratulations to you for the touchdown, for the field goal, for the whatever you want to call it, I just want to say congratulations, because this is a huge accomplishment, and I know how busy you are.

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 3:22
Thank you. Thank you. You know this is one of those gifts that you get when you make a commitment and you're not quite certain what will result, but you're hopeful. And so I didn't begin with a book in mind. What I began with was a commitment to wholeness, and as a result of that journey, and my desire to begin modeling things that I could have my family embrace and my children, so that my grandchildren would have the benefit of the journey, had the book result from it. And so I'm excited, honored, but not necessarily one to begin the journey with a book in mind. And so it's been phenomenal to see that be one of the byproducts.

Tanya Flanagan 4:08
That is really cool. So with that in mind, did you sit around and did you hear people say, take notes, and when you have an idea, you know, write the idea down so you can be cleaning the house, basketball in the floor, or dusting furniture, or taking a shower, or cooking dinner, baking a cake, whatever. And the idea, these ideas will come to you. You know, can you have that creative moment, the aha moment that's Ofra used to call it in her magazine and on the show, do you pause and write? Because people say, pause and write that down with great except if you're in shower, is tricky. It's great if you could pause and write it down. Since you're doing something, you can stop. How did you begin to generate this book? The book, The the concepts that, how did, how did that work?

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 5:00
How'd you get there? It really began with a commitment to processing. And so at the top of last year, I was beginning the year absolutely exhausted and in unpacking. Why I'm like, I am keeping my word to everybody but myself. This year will be different, because I I am going to commit to unpacking and processing the stuff that I've been carrying around instead of making new year's resolutions, and much of the content resulted from that commitment. And so whether it was the ways in which processing results in transformation, or something changes because it has been processed or just getting to resolution as things came up over the course of last year, I paused and thought about why it was coming up, what it was there to maybe teach me or show me, and made a commitment at the end of it to really just making one decision, step change or pivot as a result of whatever came up, and because I wanted to hold myself accountable, in some ways, began journaling literally in the tabs of my cell phone. So instead of maybe having a notepad, literally stopping and just processing maybe where I was emotionally in the moment or a thought or a belief, and in particular, when conflicts came up, and it could be just a dissonance you experience when you're wondering if you are enough or if a task would be successful, I would literally stop and process. Okay, why am I questioning my ability to do this? I have done 1000 things. Why would this thing be different? Or hey, that that that conversation ended on a low note Emotionally, I wonder what is informing that context for me, and how can I get the feedback that I need, or give them what they need, if that's what is happening in this moment. And so really, that's where that content came from. And so you will note, as you look at the, you know, the reflections that are chronicled there, that there isn't a single thread beyond maybe the theme of growth or change or awareness, and so from grappling with and unpacking imposter syndrome to just making a commitment to reclaim the lessons that comes when things don't turn out the way you hope, or just even the the awareness that I had, uh, last year around the fact that while I got to decide when I became a mother, I I won't get to decide when I become a grandmother or or or a mother in law, and that that that should be okay, the book covers a range of topics, because it was really just About what processing what came up at the time.

Tanya Flanagan 8:02
So you wrote a book about about living like you transparently said, I'm gonna look at my I'm looking at my life for a year, and I'm taking the time not to rush through the day or the week or to have an emotional reaction, or any reaction to whatever, and just move past it, but to pause and to really look at it relative to the quality of life that I'm living. And then you begin to journal about it, which turned into a book that is absolutely really cool, and you touched on a concept in the book, or a topic addressed in the book, imposter syndrome. There's a lot of things folks in this book, subject matter that Dr Tyler Garner touches on, and one of the things is imposter syndrome. Another is transgenerational trauma, and the book touches on status quo living. And I'm bringing up these because as I was looking into the book and learning about what the content deals with, these are things that jumped out at me, authentic self boundaries, not so much because of the application maybe to my life, but in some ways, I'm sure we I like anyone else, I have dealt with various aspects of the concepts that you face or discover and unpack in the book. But sometimes, when you're helping other people, young people, peers, we as women, when you're having these conversations, even with men, when we're having these conversations, there are things that you give people, the conversation that I have had with so many people about boundaries and why setting boundaries is okay and necessary, whether it was with family, whether it's with friends, whether it's in the workplace, whether it's in the community, the need I remember pastor Fowler the. In your sermon one Sunday on boundaries, and I was like, wow, and it resonated and it stayed with me. But I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation with people, but they still don't employ any any boundaries. They just and they don't see the repetitive pain or failure or shortcoming that develops because they just won't establish a boundary to address the overreach in their life.

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 10:30
Yes, and I have found, even just unpacking that area, that sometimes the challenge is letting other people set them for you, and so literally, particularly if you are prone to people pleasing, the boundaries that you are responding to is wherever the other works places. It based on their needs, intentions or agenda, and when you're doing that, it's impossible to consistently meet your own needs. So if the boundary for you is they asked me and so I was willing or complied, or that became the emergency, then I may not be clear about the fact that the reason I am struggling with boundary setting is because I haven't even given myself permission to set the boundaries that I live my life by. Yeah,

Tanya Flanagan 11:23
oh, wow, you said a word right there. I haven't given myself permission to set the boundaries that I live by. Tiffany, I can't tell you how many people that I know, that I feel like this is so applicable, and people that I love, people who I'm close to, where I see some of the pain, and I've had my own, you know, we talked. So we all go through different things in life. I mean, I think the evolution, and that's one of the beautiful things about life. As you get older, they say you become wiser, and if you're smart, you lean in and you glean things off of those who've gone before you. People often hear me talk about my father. He'll be 87 in November, and so six year old man is full, yeah, it's full of wisdom, and does whatever he needs to do for himself every day. But in that space, there's a lot of wisdom about life. And we all go through that phase in life where you think you know more, or you've had a different amount of education or different types of experiences, and so you think you are more well versed, but it's that life experience, that common sense, that wisdom that you read about in the Bible, that parents have, that you can learn so much from that he has talked to me many times about ways to deal with people, with relationships with even with boardroom settings, even though he's never, even with promoting on a job, even though he's never, in some ways, he's done it, but not the way we do it, you know, in a corporate setting. And so it's just, I'm hearing this, and I'm thinking of people in my life that I see their I see pain, and some of it is just to do our shortcomings, or whatever you want to label it well, sometimes it says due to boundaries or worrying about status quo, living the pressure we put on ourselves to have certain things, because those certain things symbolize and embody success. But you you find yourself still running around trying to find happiness, not recognizing that material things and status quo success markers don't breed happiness. The illusion, yeah, you know, affiliations, organizations, associations, don't breed happiness. They just, it's just like having on a designer bag or something, or a pretty necklace or whatever. Yeah, you have so much going on in this book, and you are just a breath of fresh air. And I just say thank you for having just in the community as we talk about mental health, right? This is one of those places where the discussion of mental health, whether you realize it or not, this is tied to mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health, and your book is part of, can be part of that healing journey for someone else.

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 14:26
Yeah, I would love to touch on a couple of things that you just said, because they're really powerful opportunities to shift some of the exact things that you were talking about. And so when I said, you've said a life full instead of a mouthful, you said something that speaks to our lives and in such profound ways, even you just sharing about the wisdom that your father has and how you routinely tap into it, and it is so practical that it has many applications and in. Wondering why folks won't tap into those resources. One of the most profound lessons that I had recently learned was this notion of and is this a difference in learning style? And so I think about even my own family or my sons, and I'm like, But I told you, did you hear me? Or you saw the impact of me? Were you watching? And to come into the revelation that, in some instances, that maybe he is one of those learners that has to experience it. And so as much as I say, Look at my example, or don't you hear me talking to you, if he is that learner that has to do it for himself to figure it out, me saying it, or him saying it won't be enough. And so that part of the work for me was finding PC. He is operating from his learning style, and it is not auditory and it is not Yes. So you know, some reframing came out of this journey for me too, and even what you note about the impact of the ways in which we define success and the importance to one define it to to know that it evolves over time, so you should be checking in with yourself periodically to see if you met it or if it needs to ship. And then, more importantly, and this is something I actually just reposted from the book this morning, worth is not something we can put on and so no amount of title, membership or affiliation can change what's happening inside of us. So we got to start there first. And so if we're hoping to be able to pull our worth up in a certain car or to establish it at a certain residence, or to be knighted by the do of any particular organization that we belong to or association. The challenge to putting it or putting it in these external things is that others get to move it, and that we don't always have control over having it. And so if it's if it's based on the car or the house in the economy shifts and you lose it? Have you literally lost all yourself? That should never be the case. There should be some things that we can we can hold on to, no matter what is happening outside of us or around us. And so doing the work of really defining what success is an internal ways ensures that we can always have success when we do that, when we ground it in those things, those things and just inherent to our humanity, then we don't have to worry about it being fleeting. We don't have to worry about trying to find it by doing. We don't have to worry about trying to hold on it to it by giving

Tanya Flanagan 17:59
that is so powerful when you were talking. So you made me think about something, and what you were saying about the association that we have to things, and how things allow us to present ourselves, and then the story that we're writing with these things, clothes, cars, accessories, titles, addresses, etc, etc, because you go through that journey, and there's a point in life where you I know, I personally know, I went through a point in my life, and it hit around the half century mark, and I paused, and I had to unpack a lot, and seven is the number of completion. And I identified seven things that I thought were failures, even though I knew they were great triumphs, I mean, humongous opportunities to have had the opportunity to participate in but yet for me, they were question marks of whether or not I had done enough, been successful enough. One of them included the purchase of my home, or whether or not I should have a different one, or moved to somewhere else, or gotten a bigger house or and then I stopped to ask myself, well, who the housework? Because it's you and a dog at this point, and we have more than enough space, but you talked about loss, so I wanted to it made me think there's experience, and whether the experience is a gain or a loss, there's always a lesson. And if it's a loss, there's a lesson, or some of it, there's a game. It's still a lesson. Because with the lesson comes humility, and with humility comes resiliency, and it's recognizing that, as opposed to something I always say, And it came to me in my cancer journey, woe is me, but it's not when you're in that woe is me place. It's not what you're going through, it's how you respond to what you're going through. And if you are I'm a faith person, and if you are a faith person, and you believe, it's not what you're going through, it's how you respond to what you're going through. Because the longer the. Woe is me, at least for me, the longer the woe is me feeling an emotion is taking over, the longer I may, I may wallow in the valley, but the minute I look at it, the glass half full, as opposed to the glass half empty, and I begin to extract from that experience positivity or lessons that create a transformative reaction, a growth reaction, an actionable course for change, and that humility, that resiliency, starts to set into but when you talked about losing the car and does that take everything away from you, sometimes things are lost and they are taken away from you, but it's whether or not you recognize that in those lessons in life comes humility, and with humility comes

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 20:45
strength. So true, I can tell you that when I pivoted from feeling like I was losing to understanding that I either win or learn, then I stopped feeling like a failure, because I could begin to unpack some of the other gifts that I wasn't looking for, but I got out of even if it was just when the worst thing that I thought could happen happened, I realized that I was still here. Wow. What resilience is in that so you talked about resilience, or hey, that thing is felt like rejection end up being direction and protection, or hey, that's, that's the word wasn't, yeah, it wasn't a fit. And so I was I and the other person was spared wasting time or hurting one another because that wasn't the one. Or, Hey, I thought the road should look like this in the road has taken me beyond places that I couldn't even have envisioned for myself. God, I'm I'm so glad I didn't get stuck with my limitations, get stuck or relegated to the things that I could only believe for myself, wasn't that detour great? And it's from those places that we begin to even embrace the notion of there isn't a detour. There's only your road. I'm not I'm not law. I love that I'm in the middle of exploration or growth or development,

Tanya Flanagan 22:27
I would say, no matter what, there's always another chance. It may seem like you've gone down the road, you've taken the wrong exit, but I promise you, there's always that opportunity where life will correct course if you and you will understand later that what seemed like a mistake was actually a prepared plan or just, it's not the end. It's just, it's just an occurrence. And you keep you can keep moving forward. The book, folks is called the journey forward four seasons of reflection for deep healing and transformation. And I'm talking to Dr Tiffany Tyler Garner about this book that she has authored. Dr Tyler Garner, where can people get access to the book if they're interested in enjoying this read, exploring the three want to make sure we get

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 23:18
information from several major outlets, including Barnes and Noble Amazon and Walmart, as well as with she rises Studios, where I have a landing page that is www she rises studios.com, backslash Tiffany Tyler. And if you order through that link, I can actually autograph your copy and mail it to you. Otherwise, you can get it on several online platforms.

Tanya Flanagan 23:52
So give them that one again. She rises.com

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 23:57
www. She rises studios.com backslash Tiffany Tyler,

Tanya Flanagan 24:05
I am just super excited, um, about your book, but I've always been excited about you. If you have, if you ever hear that doctor, Tyler Garner is going to be somewhere, and she's speaking, I promise you. And even from this conversation we're having this morning, you can hear the peace in her voice. There are some people in the world that you encounter, and they have this sort of sense of soothing calm and peace that you just hear and in their voice, which means you know that there is an angelic component about their presence, and you have that. And so I always enjoy the peace that blankets us whenever I'm talking with you. I could be outside in 110 degree weather. It can be in a building that's crowded and loud at an event. I don't care where you are, there's something about speaking with you that sets in a sense of calm, and it is a gift that you. Have, and then, because of that, I think that it allows the sharing of your perspective to resonate so loudly, it's like a neon light when you share that perspective on a variety of topics and subject matter. And I just wanted to say that to you, because I know, yeah, I'm honored to choose

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 25:21
you are that way. And I also need to say to you that I am so grateful for the life that you are living. And I say that from this place. Two years ago, I got a call from one of my dearest friends, someone that I went through college together with, and she called in tears to say that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and from the most despondent place, she yelled out, and I don't know what I'm going to do. And then I was reminded that I knew someone that had beat it, not one or two times, but three times, and was able to call you and ask if you would speak to her. I just want to tell you that she's she's now in remission, and it has been for over a year now, but just the hope that she could claim for her own life, hearing that you had beat it over and over again gave her a piece that she thought about the fact that her daughter was in her second year college, and that she wanted to see her graduate. And so I just I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to acknowledge the gift of that in your story, and particularly as we talk about sometimes our lives or roads taking us to places that we would never hope or wish, and wondering, what is the sanity in it, I am reminded that sometimes our story are for others, and so thank you for your story.

Tanya Flanagan 27:05
Thank you, and you're welcome. And it's my pleasure. God gives us experiences in life, and those experiences, people will often say that we hear it. So we're coming to the end of the show, folks are our clock is ticking, but those experiences we have about a minute or so left become our testimony, and that testimony is usually intended to help someone else. So if you're brave enough and have the courage enough to share your story, know that I don't know what your story is. As you're listening to the show this morning, know that your story, large or small, is likely intended to help someone else, not just yourself. So be willing to be that beacon of light and share that story so that you can guide someone to their destiny and their journey into their place of improvement and growth. I just want to say that we all have that in us. Dr Tiffany Tyler garner the book The journey forward with Four Seasons of reflection for deep healing and transformation on a number of platforms. You can get this book, and you can also order it, and she'll send you a signed copy. If you go to the website, she rises studios.com, backslash. Tiffany Tyler, Dr Tyler, we're running out of time. Thank you for being here.

Dr. Tiffany Tyler-Garner 28:20
Thank you for the honor.

Tanya Flanagan 28:25
Have a great week. We'll see you next time, right here on K und. I want to thank you for tuning in to the scoop with me. Tonya Flanagan, and I want to invite you to get social with me. I'm on Facebook and Twitter. My name is my handle, T, a n, y, A F, l, a n, a G, A N. You can also find me on Instagram at Tanya almanis Flanagan, and if you have a thought, an opinion or a suggestion, don't hesitate to shoot me an email to tonya.flanagan@unlv.edu Thanks again for joining in. Stay safe and have a great week. You.

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